Langkawi

Just got home 2 days ago....suffering from lack of sleep...and seriously people....its a nice island but if you go there without an experienced tour guide or planning...you can die of "excitement'...wasn't too bad la....had some fun touring the island and the sea tour also....didnt do snorkeling or any water sports coz tak ada teman...sigh...islands are fun only with friends...remember last year's pangkor trip with schoolmates...awesome-ness....ah.....underwater world was interesting tho...especially the star attractions...the 2 trained sea lions...Paul and Kara...or at least I think thats what they were called....haha...can do some amazing tricks like walking on front flippers and 1 hand/flipper stand..awesome..sadly dont have pics of them...somehow I cant find em in the camera....ah well.....

Just decided to take a picture of what we used to go around the island

Ye old faithful saga....manual....so jerk jerk jerk....since driver wasn't so used to it

Front view...(duh) dont ask why I took em..just felt like it...ehehe....

One of the first things I thought was "what's a penang car doing in Langkawi?"...lol..ah well who bothers...we drove round the island visiting several places...whatever you do...DO NOT visit Telaga Air Hangat...we thought it'd be nice...it turned out to be a small trickle from a plastic pipe underground...with warm water...and it filled a small stone container barely big enough for a person to squat in.....was pathetic...seriously...

Ah...anyway...all in all was ok...not too bad...but won't make it on my top 10 list of memorable events...hehe....thats about all the trashing and comments I want to give....

P.S.
The sea lions were really really awesome!

When all else fails I....

Hunger
Go to sleep

Thirst
Well...drink...what can you do....

Insomnia
Read...and read...and read even more

Temptation
Pray...

Disappointment
Play sports

Assignments
Leave it to the last minute hoping a miracle will happen

Choices
Choose the one that will honour You

Struggles
I count on You to bring me through

Exams
Eat the paper...nah...

When its raining
I snuggle up under the comforter in my cold room

When all else fails...I look to You, the Author and the Finisher...Lover of my soul....
When all else fails...I look to Jesus :)
Will you?

To live a life

Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more.

-Shakespeare

As I begin this blog entry I have absolutely no clue as to what the title should be...perhaps it will come to me as I type....felt driven to type about life....not an aspect of it...but what it is, its core and essence....what is life?what is it to truly live?and what can be considered a worthwhile life?money,success,lying on your deathbed without a single regret?would that be a worthwhile life? most of us spend so much time filling our lives with stuff and trying to earn a living that we lose sight of the very purpose of life....that we forget to LIVE it

What is life to me?

*a few moments of deep contemplation*

I feel...to me...that life is a God-given chance...to make a difference in the world that He created...that our bodies in which we carry out our lives are merely tools, with the operator being our soul and spirit,without which we would only be a husk....(which is why machines and artificial intelligence can't ever live)..I feel that life is a chance given to us to do something worthwhile...and that everything else....handphones,houses,cars,etc...are merely add-ons....to making this "chance" we got more comfortable....

Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile.
A person starts to live when he can live outside himself.

-Einstein

I feel those two lines hold deep meaning...in so many ways...when we get the chance to live...I believe we should make a difference..a change...however small....however insignificant...if it is for the better....is still a difference....at the end of the day...when all is said and done....the change for the better is still there....and when a person leaves this earth....that change for the better will be his (or her) legacy....

Life is something given to us by God and so we should appreciate and enjoy it

-Amanda Chua

Also true....what is life when we go around looking sad and sullen..complaining and being emo...God gave us a chance to LIVE...one chance for eternity...do we really want to spend it negatively?Some people are born with difficulties, and yet they take the chance they get to make a difference...can we not?

Love your neighbour as yourself

-Jesus

Once again, we see that one of the greatest commandments of God is to love your neighbour as yourself..to make a change in the world by showing kindness and love...to others...not just friends...speaking of which...it is a beautiful thing...because in friendship is when our "chances" that we have intercept and co-exist...and when we care for a friend..when we share and encourage each other..we make a difference...I'm not too sure how much people will agree with this...but personally I feel that almost every single friend of mine has impacted me in their own special way..whether the ones I just got to know or those that I've known for a long time...most of them have left a positive change in me....and I am the living testimony that their life has been worthwhile...at least to me....because they made that difference..that small difference that will never be forgotten or can never be erased

Here are two ways to live your life -
one is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is a miracle.

-Einstein

I choose option 2...I believe that everything in life is a miracle..performed by my awesome God way in advance so that it could all fall into place at that exact moment in time...I choose to believe that when I reach for my cup of coffee that God's miracle is there...that coffee was discovered when it was...and the freezer as well...and both of them coming together to form a wonderful cup of iced coffee for my enjoyment....

So what is important about life?God, the creator of life and so He is the most important...from personal experience, I once felt that God was cut off from me, that whatever I do would not suffice, that all hope was lost...and I can honestly say I felt life not worth living...a life without God is empty..Family..the people who have supported my all my life and will continue to be a part of it til I leave this earth...Friends...the awesome people who have made that difference in my life and filled it with so much....I can honestly say that compared to these three...the rest are immaterial....

So yeah...after a looong post...I think I've finally said whatever I wanted to say initially....

God, reveal to me Your purpose for me in life...that this chance You've given me will not be squandered...may we truly be able to offer up our lives as living sacrifices for the glory of Your name

Let now the weak say I have strength

By the spirit of power that raised Christ from the dead

Let now the poor stand and confess

That my portion is Him and I'm more than blessed

Let now your church shine as the bride

That You saw in Your heart as you offered up Your life

Let now the lost be welcomed home

By the saved and redeemed those adopted as Your own
Amen.

Hold it....hold it.......

Patience has been the theme for me this past week.....

To hold my fingers away from the keyboard and computer games...well...the online ones...and wait for the exam week to be over....(not much good if im not studying....ah well....in my blood =P )

To hold my emotions in check when I'm dealt a long string of sarcastic words for messing up

To hold my head from exploding when I'm scolded for no reason-(now that's quite hard)

To wait til I can actually get out and enjoy with friends

To be patient just so I can exercise my existing patience to gain MORE patience

To reach for the pot only to find there's no more coffee-(unbearable)

And......

It's wearing thin....

Really thin.......

So.....anyone up for an ultra-rough game of basketball? :)

Running away

Been struggling with a problem.....I'm trying to run away from my past mistakes and all...don't want to even think of them... I know it's all settled and gone.....That God redeemed it all....but somehow the memories of it keep coming back....I guess this is one of the consequences of sinning.....and it seems the more I run the more it chases me....need a solution...any1 with similar experiences in the past..please comment...would love some advice right now...thanks

God...You be the solution...I trust in You....You redeemed me....and You can cleanse the slate for now and forevermore.....

Brace for it....

I am honestly not feeling in a jovial mood...I need someone to pour out to but hehe...oh happy coincidence...the people I usually pour out to are not online....

anyway..my title has 2 meanings...the first of which...I HAVE FINALLY TAKEN OFF MY BRACES!!!..weee!after 2 years of tightening and scratching myself and mess....its finally over...still...I do feel awkward...kinda like all gums and no teeth now...cant seem to feel them....anyway...thats the nice part...now for the other part...the not-so-nice 1...

I'm bracing myself...because I have to....won't share much of the details here...but I feel my current condition at home has got to change or I really really cant take it anymore...praying...really praying...and its getting harder and harder...it always seems to get harder the more I start pushing closer to God at times....argh...struggling alone is seriously hard...and though I know that I'm not alone....sometimes its hard to keep focus on God when things around me seem to be working against me....really really have to brace myself and keep my chin up..though for how long I can do that is a mystery....

Ah...You know...I know You know...and I believe You can and will do something....if You aren't already doing it....I shall walk...knowing You are with me...and I shall continue my race...no matter how tough it gets...because I know You are worth it...I only pray that I too...will be worth Your efforts....

Praying Asking Begging Hoping

I recently read a blog of a friend of mine's...in her's was a powerful testimony that God does answer prayers....she prayed for a good job with the exact specifications she wanted...and God gave her EVERYTHING.....what an awesome God and an awesome blessing and prayer answered...

well here I am God...asking and following her example...and trying my best to have faith in You...You know I really want and need this exemption from Psychology....and although all current signs point to me not having it...I still pray that You in Your awesome ways will turn things around...Help me to be able to go through my 3rd and final semester in HMC without having to take psychology again...God....seriously don't want to do it...and I know that at times You give us what we don't want but what's best for us at the end....yet....I really really hope that You will hear my prayer...and have a favourable answer....Not my will Lord but Yours be done....if it's Your will that I have to do it..then pray, grant me patience strength and courage to go through it....and not complain....Amen

Degeneration

I have finally degenerated....been pulled back into the pits of darkness....I have done the unthinkable.....I have.......




Reactivated my account in Facebook


*Gasp!* *Stare* *Blanch* *What??!!*



oh stop that...I got forced to okay.....coz SOME people just cant be contacted without Facebook.....NOOOOOOO!!!!I will not be cowed...I will not be influenced....I shall withstand the might of Facebook....I shall be released of its icy cold grip in time.....*roars defiantly*....Facebook!!!!You have not seen the last of me!!!!!!!!

Untitled

I guess I don't really have a purpose for this post...just felt like updating....not even sure what to write...I shall write how I feel right now...I feel.....thankful...that God has given me what He has given me....most of all the salvation that I don't deserve....I feel....in awe...and yet troubled....maybe its cause I cannot really believe it...I think I do...and yet sometimes its quite conflicting..like what I'm feeling now....all I can do right now is read what the Bible says...and choose to believe it....I guess I'm just waiting for that undeniable still voice to tell me that yes....I can believe it...that yes....I am forgiven for the past...and yes....I still and will have a bright future with He who saved my soul....I know that some of my friends will be reading this...some of them won't get a word I'm saying...but well....I just feel like making it public that I love my God....I really do.....and I'm not ashamed of saying it out loud....scream,jump,twirl around,shout,laugh....coz God has saved the day.... :)

Awesome :)

Today has been awesome....was somehow really emo...no idea why...(actually I do...but u not gonna know bout it)....and yeah...God turned me around...man.....really really super duper awesome.....Love ya lots......Thanks You.... =)

And..thats all...

-Gone-

Why so heavy?

It's finally friday...the end of the week.....this entire week has been really really really tiring...really glad i finished my assignments on time...and also did the worship leading today...had a few slip ups...but I can finally rest...and hibernate...been having a real problem with lack of sleep......ah...why do I sound so emo when its the end of the week...why am I even sounding emo at all....

Hmm...no idea actually...today is actually quite a nice day...finally completed whatever I'm supposed to do...and finally managed to catch up with Jasmine and Amanda....great time with them today...hehe...we were the proud first customers of a new OldTown Kopitiam in Brickfields...hehe...weee......ah..happy times happy times....really missed them since we parted ways in school.....hehe.....

And yeah....can finally rest...so there's really no reason to be anything else but happy...but somehow still feel rather heavy...hehe....not gonna tell why on this blog tho....have NO intentions whatsoever on bumming on problems on a blog...ah....shall wait for a friend to come by so I can blurt it all out...hehe....Who who who.....

18

weee.....turned 18 today...well...yesterday...whichever....was fun....my sister actually organized a surprise gathering for me....haha....after my appointment she told me that my birthday dinner was put early coz they wont be free on my real birthday...so she told me to wait at Chilis midvalley coz they were still on their way...anyway...waited there for half an hour before they finally told me that my dad wanted to go Italianese...so I had to trudge up there....honestly..was quite in a bad mood...haha...coz of all the waiting...and I wanted Chilis...=/....ah well...went up there and first thing I saw was a really long table and Bryan turning his head away...was like.."Oh gosh...they actually planned something..." haha....turned out that my sis had actually called Jasmine...and she got along this whole group of them....was my parents, 3 sisters, aunt/godmum,grandma, and here goes.....Jasmine,Amanda,Lynette,Shok Chen,Esther,Ken and Bryan....a few ppl couldnt turn up..Ira one of them...quite a handful...was really surprised and touched...haha.....anyway..had an awesome dinner...full of nonsense as usual....and 22 ping pong balls.....dont look at me...I have no idea whatsoever why....its some random thing by them...haha...ah well...was fun...touching....

today was my real birthday...25Oct...hehe.....and well...it was spent....rather......lonely...lol...summarize it....woke up...had a bathe...no breakfast...ate leftovers and stuff from last night.....went for a haircut...and then the most lonesome thing ever....I was ADAMANT that I wont spend my birthday at home in front of the comp...so I took a drive to the local mall and watched a movie ALONE...I know....sounds sad...haha....was Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs...not a bad show really...ah...why alone you ask? well...my frens were all busy...most of them are actually having exams this period...ah well...and they already surprised me yesterday....so....yeah.....haha.....and my birthday dinner today turned out rather awry....we went to BSC for dinner....walked for ages couldnt find a right place to eat....and ended up in a small Chinese/Mamak joined restaurant...haha...not the usual fancy dinner....still, was satisfying....and dad already spent a lot yesterday on the gathering...so I guess I should be happy...I am happy..hehe....

So....you're 18...legally adult...what are you gonna do?

well.....I think it's nice to finally reach a legal age for all sorts of things...hehe......(plans underway)
As to what I'm gonna do...not decided yet....(dastardly deeds also under planning phase)

Anyway....just wanna say Thanks....to God...for 18 years of faithfulness.....and to my family for 18years of support....and to my awesome possum group of friends for XX years of fun/nonsense/care/concern....hehe....thank youuuuuu

Oh....Manchester United didn't give me a birthday present....they lost to Liverpool....NOOOO =/
*I'm Finally Free To Drink Margaritas!!!!Weeeeee!!!!!*

"im busy...talk to you later? =)" Part 2

Today God made me realise something...the very thing that bothered me was the very thing that bothered Him...how many times have I given Him the same reply...."im too busy" or sometimes not even a reply at all...and when I need help its always "God...I need this this this and this....oh yeah...and this too". How ironic....I guess God feels it even more because He created me...I mean...my whole life should be nothing but talking to Him if He wants it....and yet...I don't....and even worse...I sin against Him....as if I'm testing to see if the lightning bolt really will come one day....It's truly a testament of God's Grace that it hasn't come...and when I've done every wrong thing I could....He shows me in camp that I can come home to Him....through a parable that I've knwon almost my entire life....The Prodigal Son....but in a whole new perspective....truly He has been gracious....beyond belief,beyond what I deserve....God...You are amazing...awe-inspiring....and I am sorry for taking so long to realise that You will never forsake me....even when I've turned around and took You for granted...even deliberately going against You, testing Your patience and stretching Your never ending Grace....forgive me....all I can really say is I'm sorry....and thank you...I wish I could say more...so much more...but I just don't have the words....thank you for the awesome redepmtion on that cross....and the awesome encouragement You sent my way...to show me that if I'm ready to change, You are ready to help me....I ask and pray with all my heart that I will not fall into the same pit I fell into....and I ask nothing more than to be able to walk with You all the days of my life....

Thanks You....I'm amazed...

9.09.2009

Its triple 9 today! :)

"Im busy...talk to you later? =)"

Finally decided to just blurt out something that has been bothering me for quite some time....its about.....friends.....

Phone call....Toot...Toot....Picks up phone...

"Hi!It's been soo long!Just called to ask how you were....so...how are you recently?"

"Hey!Yeah I've been fine....getting used to life....You?How are your college days?"

"Oh me?well...been hard...to adapt and all..missed you guys....wish we could hang out more often..."

"Yeah me too....hey...i gotta go now okay....kinda busy...call u back later?Bye!"

Yeah....familiar?thats whats been bothering me....okay...here's scenario 2...

*SMS* Toot Toot

"Hey!Havent seen/talked to you in a while..how have you been?"

"Hello!I've been fine!You?"

"Me?Oh im doing great..its nice to learn and experience new stuff..."

*waits...waits...waits....waits...finally realises that there's no reply....and there's not going to be one anytime soon...

*Says to self* "Oh well...I guess he/she is busy....thats that...maybe some other time..."

Yes....truth be told...it bothers me.....A LOT.....I don't know why but it just does....why? Well, I guess its because me being who I am...it's hardly ever easy for me to form close friendships...and when I do form them...I really want to be able to keep them alive...to be able to meet a close friend and feel that we were never seperated...that we would never go far from each other...and worse of all...that we would never ever say "oh...we used to be close...back in school..."

I believe friendships take effort to keep alive...thats why friends so often meet up like monthly just to keep in touch....but close friends...well...should that not require more effort?

"They have their own lives to live ma...cant expect them to keep talking to u and telling u everything right..."

"Maybe they really are busy leh....."

"People change...things change...we're not in high school anymore....we all have new friends...we all have new lives to live...so go find new friends lor..."

Thats what I hear....Personally....I don't believe a word of it...Friends are not just for company through a phase of life..and when u enter a new phase you go find new ones....don't get me wrong...I'm not against friend-making...I myself have a new bunch of friends in college...but thats just it.....we call them friends...not acquaintances..and there's a MAJOR difference to that....

I guess I'm old fashioned...call me that...call me antique...call me hard-headed or sentimental....I don't much care now....All I care about is this..."How are my friends now?And are they really that busy?Is it too much to ask, to just catch up on a regular basis...to tell them how your week went?to complain and just simply bawl out at them when you need to?"

I do not ask for the world...neither do I ask for their world...All I ask is five minutes....or just a simple chat....It would seriously make my day....sadly, it isn't really the case right now...I guess there is a whole lot of truth in the Bible when it says there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother...Jesus...it didn't say friends...it said A friends...coz as humans....we really can't do that....but we can try can we not?Sometimes the smile on the end of an SMS and the "Take care and God bless" at the end of our calls are really used too casually..do we actually mean them?

Sometimes we concentrate too much on making a living for ourselves that we forget to LIVE in it...we are constantly in the hurry of life that we rush past the very things in our life that are worth more than what we are chasing after....out of the 6 (now approaching 7) billion people in the earth...you had the chance (surely ordained by God) to meet and develop a relationship with that ONE unique friend...should we not treasure it?We all seemingly need extra time...but all the time in the world, if used sparingly just to save more, is it then useless?

I do not mean anything hurtful in this post...and I do not specify neither do I intend to deliberately hurt anyone....It's just an honest answer to myself about how I feel....I do sincerely apologize if in any event, it does hurt....

Take care and God bless...

Your friend

Back From the Down-Under

finally back from aussy...awesome trip....middle of winter so it was freaking ccccoooolllddd there.....but lovely weather nonetheless....did alot of walking...and I mean A LOT of walking....sis took us to all the rarely-visited places in adelaide....oh oh...finally got to touch a kangaroo again....so cute...hopping about like overgrown soft toys only...and I ATE crocodiles.......interesting...more like a blend between fish and chicken.....Fishen.....oh well..more to come...for now I just wanna sleep...just reached home barely and hour ago....

I Want

1. A really really cute dog...schnauzer...weeeeee!!!!
2. A new Darling...or at least a face-lift for my old Darling...the middle sliding part broke off d...sigh
3. My Car Back.....sobs...where have you gone dear....
4. To go out with my craizee bunch of frens whom I have not gone out with in a while due to college
5. A new table for my roomy
6. Jasmine and Amanda to go for CF camp!!!KFC!!!!
7. To eat all the fast food I can get at one go
8. To be able to join FES one day....
9. An awesome radical change...maybe I shall shave bald..thats radical...awesome...not sure
10. To go for CF Camp!!!!

God please look into Your storehouse in heaven and see if there's anything You can give me....preferably from this list....Thank You....Love ya lots...

Woo....Syok Sendiri-ness

today went to watch Ice Age 3 again....by myself....haha...sad right...was so random...went to the mall for lunch and just decided to indulge myself a little....freaking funny....favourite character is...."Buck....short for Buckminster....long for Buh"....he's so freaking hilarious....you peole who haven't watched it yet should really go watch it....sooooo funny....and Peaches was soooooooo cute....omg.....look like a ball of fur only.....speaking of balls of fur...any1 got a dog or who knows any1 selling baby dogs...preferably cute types 1....not bulldog or pug....my gosh..so ugly...lol....I want a dog....hehe...tell me k....

Of Fishes and Redemption

ooo....finally back to blogging,....been sooo long....holidays...nth much happened...nth much to blog about....ahh...I FINALLY WATCHED ICE AGE 3!!!!!!awesome show la.....seriously...fweaking funny....wanna watch it again with some friends who haven't...what say you people?Im free anytime til Sept 1....yeah..Im THAT free....

Anyway...back to the main topic...recently in CF we had a discussion about Jonah...I really really appreciate it....its a Jonah Bible study..and it really opened my eyes to see the true vast power of God and His Grace....seriously astounding....I especially love the line where Jonah says " Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs"...how true...especially in my own life...really made me reflect on my own idols..and how much of God's Grace I have refused...and forfeited....its a really inspiring story..the journey of Jonah....and his prayer to God while he was in the fish...."Salvation comes from the Lord"...indeed....for there is no one else....today a friend of mine from church whom I have not seen for a long long long long long time suddenly called to ask me how I am....and he came by and bought me a pint of BR ice cream...really touched...that he still remembered.....he asked me when I would be going back to church...I really felt like it at that point of time...but its hard...not been there for so long,..its hard to go back....maybe I should just take it slow...but still tkae the first step....after all God's shown me...I don't think I can keep shoving Him and His signs into the corner anymore....as I learned in Jonah...God will do whatever it takes....whatever it takes to draw His children back to Him....will have to try...

By the way....Happy Belated 18th Jas...and congratz Lynn on Sierra!

It Is Time For

Change

As darkness fell, and I shivered and shook,
Bereft of the confidence that Insecurity took,
Feeling lost, for You I looked,
Reading Your promises, in Your Holy Book,

But nohing came; I've lost my aim,
Whatever I tried, it turned out the same,
With no one but me to take the blame,
To carry the burden, the guilt and the shame,

A decision made, so easily misled,
A mistake for which I was not prepared,
If only I had listened, such confusion would I be spared,
The fact that I didn't, my problems I dread,

Looking for a sign, I spoke to the air,
As time ran out, I fell into despair,
Just when my problems I could no longer bear,
Your Light shone around me, and You were there,

So to You I sing, my Lord and King,
Lifting this praise, an offering,
My life broken, to You I bring,
For You are my God, my Everything.

Swings of Life

Felt so heavy when I returned from college today....sat in the car for a while and didn't go into the house..then decided to just take a drive around the housing area...after a while I finally entered the house...bathed...and went off tto the playground outside my house which I haven't been to for ages...thought I'd just walk while listening to some songs from my phone....and wondered if being alone for a while would give me time to think about what I should do...whether or not I should change departments in college...AGAIN...

While I was swinging I was really hoping God would speak to me and give me some advice...not that I didn't have any...I've had loads...from lecturers and friends and family members....but I just didn't know what to do...while I sat there swinging I remembered the times when I was only a small fry....and my sister or parents had to swing me...and how high I swung depended on how hard they pushed...and I realised that now...how high I swung depended on how much effort I put into swinging..and its kinda like life...when you reach a stage...whether you go high or low depends on yourself...there's nobody behind to push you anymore....its all up to you....and then I took some time to look around...and I also realised how I often neglected how beautiful even the most common sights of nature are....like the grass and the trees...imagine if the trees had pink trunks...or the grass was gray...that would be just so...not harmonious....but nature has a way of blending colours in perfectly...and suddenly something inside me just said...what looks ugly outside can be really beautiful..if you take the time to look at it...it might look common or simple..but each and everything fits in together...in the right place...I wasn't really sure what all this meant...I still don't...then I looked up into the sky and saw the top of the trees...and birds flying around...and I suddenly remembered the Bible verse on worrying....in Matthew 6:25-34...and I was really thankful....

On the way back I asked God what should I do...and I was still waiting for an answer....maybe He's going to give me an answer in due time...about what His advice and decision is....or maybe He already has....and I just have to look deeper into things to see it....in any case....I am a little more relieved now....I know that though I might have to make my own chances...and how high I swing depends on how hard I try...He's always there to catch me when I fall...or when I can't get myself moving....Thank you God....

Of Pscyhology Reports

Woot...finished my first ever Psychology Lab Report at 4am this morning...when I typed the last paragraph and word of the oh-so-long and oh-so-complicated lab report...the satisfaction was just so..............satisfying....lol....really....I guess it was mainly because I was so worried I didn't know how to do it...and that led to a lack of motivation which led to procrastinating and procrastinating and more procrastinating...and well...its due tomorrow...so decided I couldn't procrastinate anymore..so did it on saturday night at 11.40+...(after more slight procrastinating "later later")...when I finally sat down and put my mind to it somehow it just clicked....and its really really satisfying to know you did something you thought was too hard to do....I wonder why I still procrastinate even though I know how satisfying doing things like this are...maybe its just nature...haha...and the final count is 3295 words and an approximate 16,872 characters!I know...its not much...a far cry from the 25thousand thesis paper and the 60ooo masters paper...but hey..its my first one...and I'm proud of it...so there...haha...

oh and I got a new printer todaay..so my room has a printer....haha....it was actually cheaper to buy a printer that came with ink supplies than to buy the refill cartridge for the existing printer....how ironic....and a new mouse too...cute tiger-like mouse...haha..will try to take a photo of it....when I find the camera that is...and being my usual procrastinating self...best not to hold your breath for it....

Weeeeee!!!!thats 2 assignments down....1 to go!!!!bring it!!!! =)

God...

You reached out and rescued me,
Answer to my dreams,
And Love hung on the Cross,
So we could meet,

Calmed my restlesness,
Words fail to express,
There's no where I would rather be than with You,

I call on You my King,
You open Your arms to me,
And embrace me like a father to a child

Thank you God, for all You've done...you know what I'm going through...in studies and in life...even with my relationship with You...You know...and I thank You for Your faithfulness

The whole earth falls,to its knees,
At the sound of Your beautiful name,
And all the voices in the world,
Unify today,
To bring You this song of praise

Choices,Decisions and Consequences

We often make choices in our lives...in fact...our entire life is run by choices...what we choose to eat determines our health and hunger,what we choose to study determines who we are going to be, what we choose to wear determines our public image; choices are made on a daily basis...and while some are often trivial and inconsequential, there are some that will determine what path you are going to take....and wrong choices can alter such paths drastically...utterly changing the direction of life...while you might still end up at your intended destination, the state in which you arrive there will only be determined by how hard you try to make up for the wrong decision...

I made a rash decision recently...one that I thought was so right at that time....I considered...but not carefully enough...recently found out that I should not have made that decision so quickly..and I should have weighed my options before making such an important decision....but I thought that I could go back...revert....and still be on the right track...unfortunately there is no turning back from the decision...not unless I'm willing to re-start from scratch and waste time....decided not to...it wouldn't be fair to the people around me..I made the choice..and I will live with it....I can still get to my intended destination in life at the end..but I will have to work extra hard to be on par with others who are better educated...who have greater experience and knowledge than me....when I found out today that I couldn't go back....that there was no turning around....truth be told I was devastated...though I tried really hard not to let it show on my face....of course there is a way back..but to make that decision to turn around would be just unfair and wrong...not just for myself but for people around me....I cannot let them pay for my mistakes....but I guess that's how life is....it throws different situations at you...and how you react to it and the choices you make will determine what you become....don't ever doubt yourself when you start out on something...I learned that the grass on the other side isn't neccesarily greener....not all of the time...taught me a grim lesson on consideration before I junp into anything in the future....you take what life gives you...and you do your best with it...it might not be the best...but at least you've got something to work on...and it can still get you where you want to be...but it all depends on you...

God, sorry for making such a rash decision...and for all the other rash decisions that I have made in my life...I will continue to keep my options open...and I sincerely pray that You will make a way where there seems to be no way...nonetheless, not my will but Yours be done...if You had to let me make such a rash decision to make me learn, or to be here to serve Your purpose, then so be it.Help me to make the most of what I have...not to be too devastated and to live in regret..but in thankfulness that at least You have given me what I have...help me to make the most of it..in honour of You....may my actions and work with what I have glorify Your name...and bring peace to my heart....Help me Lord to go Your way, Help me not to go astray.

Of Judicial Ramifications

I got my first penalty for a driving offence today, otherwise known as simply kena saman.apparently was driving too fast, 19kilometres above the speed limit...exactly 99km/h....sigh....gonna get a grilling for that....anyway....here's what happened....

I realised the cars in front were going exceedingly slow..but it never occured to me that the "oh-so-prestigious-and-efficient" members of the national security task force were on the prowl....so when I finally got to see the road blocks I knew I was in trouble...sure enough...I got flagged down and sent to the side...this "oh-so-even-more-prestigious" officer came to attend to me...wound down the window and he told me I was travelling at 99km/h....I gave him the sweetest smile imaginable and said "sorry encik..."...he gave me and awkward stare so I asked him if he wanted my driving license...deep down inside he must have wanted something more.....valuable....but he said yes...while he was holding my license he suddenly gave me another chance by asking "mau saya saman ke?" or so he thought....again the sweetest smile and the "sorry encik...." but this time I added "ok..."...man...he must have been disappointed....wrote down my personal details and stuff...and handed the slip back to me for me to sign it...after that he tore off the sheet and handed it to me...the look of utter disgust plastered across his face...guess he was hoping that a young and inexperienced driver would be scared into choosing the easy way out and just giving him some money for tea....once again the "sorry encik" coupled with the sweet smile...but I have to tell you I was seriously tempted to just pay him off....coz my friends told me that they only expect like rm10/20 from students and P drivers...and added to that is the fact my parents are sure to nag and scold....but chose not to in the end....when I was taking th slip from him and apologizing I was sorely tempted to actually add a "terima kasih" to the smile....didn't want to push the guy over the limit..so just took it and left...while I was driving I strangely felt at peace with myself...of course I regret going so fast and getting a summons..but at least I was preserved further degradation of standards by choosing not to bribe the "wonderful" officer...still...grumbling to myself now..of all the huge criminals in the nation and they choose to apprehend lil old me...sigh....so I have 4 marks left on my P license...another offence like that and my license is revoked...thus signifies the end of my speeding days..at least until I gat my permanent license and 20 more merit points....then things MIGHT change again...haha

God, sorry for breaking the law set by the authorities..I know I'm supposed to respect them no matter how much I dislike the people that carry it out and set them down....thank you for helping me to avoid even further sin and for doing the right thing...Amen

Helping or Harming?

Been faced with a problem with a friend....she's a very nice person...a great friend..one of the few that I can talk bout most stuff with...and also one of the few who will know SOME of my personal details....however, she is also hard to handle at times....she's a great person, kind compassionate caring, but she's also a quite dependant person....sometimes she has a problem and she really has no clue as to what to do....so I'm usually there to help out....talk to her and even if I can't do much to just be the listening ear...it's totally fine with me...I don't mind listening..I'm actually quite glad that she tells it to me instead of keeping it pent up inside her...can be really frustrating and stressful that way...but the thing is...most of the time she really needs a lot of encouragement and nudges to get going in life...that's what friends are for, but I'm struggling to make her see that she has a lot more inside of her than she really thinks...and yet she often denies it, and tell me that she can't...the ironic thing is that even though she tells me her issues and sometimes they aren't really an issue, I have more faith in her than she has in herself...kinda low self-esteem...been trying to tell her that it's alright...that things will work out fine and she doesn't need to worry...but it's hard when she keeps saying she's scared and can't do it....I don't know if she really feels so afraid or she just needs to hear words of encouragement...either way I will always be there to listen when she needs me around...but I'm not sure if I'm helping her....learned in Psychology today about Dependant Personality Disorder...and it got me thinking and worried...I don't want her to be one of them..I pray not.....but if I have to keep telling her she's better than what she thinks and convince her of her abilites, am I helping her or harming her?clueless as to what to do now...really hope she sees the truth one day about herself..that she really doesn't need any help from anybody to survive and to keep going....she can be totally happy by herself, living life for herself..and not her boyfriend or anyone else....

My friend, if you are reading this, I'm sorry if it hurts you...I don't mean to hurt you or anything....but you just have to realise that you got a lot inside of you that's just waiting for the chance to be let out by yourself...don't put your life on hold just because of someone or something...nothing and nobody is worth that....God wouldn't want you to do that either....He made you for His glory...remember that...

Clueless

1500 words academic essay on child labour...not the easiest of topics..but that's college for you...no more "My Ideal Hsuband/Wife" or "write a story that ends with "It all turned out to be a dream"...sigh...miss those days...where your creativity could just be let out of its box...not that you cant do it now...it's just harder...gotta be creative in a persuasive way...hehe...trying to find a way....back to work...yea right...

Hectic Day

Today was the first time ever in this semester that I was late for class....to do the moment justice I must slowly and carefully explain it....

I woke up at 6.48am precisely...heaven knows why...and I thought I was late coz my class started at 8 on Wednesdays....turns out it was Tuesday..oh well...back to bed...my phone alarm rang on 8.15am...and I snoozed it as is custom...thinking "oh it will ring again after 5 minutes and I'll still have time to snooze it 3 more times before getting up at 8.30"...turns out it DIDN'T ring again..the alarm went off...but the phone remained silent....darn it...stupid phone...I woke up and my blood ran cold when I realised how long I slept...checked my phone and it was 9.35 exactly....and my phone had an alert saying "Alarm!"...was like..."What the?!" as though putting the big alert there and remaining quiet is gonna help...so I hopped out of bed...well...hop is an understatement....I almost flew out of it....and took one of the briefest proper shower of my life..and in my looooong history of short,brief showers that is saying something....well..when I got ready it was already 9.48...oh darn...I'm sooo late...sis drove me to college...she was driving fast...guess she knew that I was late.....reached college at precisely 10.12....entered the class and said sorry I was late...and my Psyc lecturer gave me a look I never saw before...a kinda mix between a smile and a grimace..was trying to figure out why when my friend told me I missed a quiz the moment I took my seat....instantly knew why....oh well...I can afford to miss 2 and still get high marks coz she only takes the best 10/12...but sad I missed one...and for the first time I was on the receiving end of the "you just missed a quiz" look...not very nice....anyway..I asked her for the questions...and out of the five I could only answer 1 question correctly as I did absolutely no revision whatsoever...so I didn't really miss much...haha...self-consolation...it actually works...when its true that is.....dumb phone made me late....sigh....traitorious machine....

anyway..today turned out great...did quite well for Psyc mid-term...didn't reach my target...but it wasn't too far off mark...so quite satisfied...English was stunning...the quiz I thought I was gonna fail..I got the result today and I aced it apparently...was so stunned...and of course all my frens who shared my misery about how hard the quiz was were looking at me with the "you are so gonna die you freaking liar" look....lol...seriously....had to endure a whole 1 1/2 hours of constant ribbing....haha..but glad I managed to do well..

Thank you God for making this day so wonderful..even though it didn't start out as great as I would have hoped...

Tired and sleepy....

Today has been busy..left the house early in the morning...went to bangsar...picked up a friend from his house and went to midvalley for a movie....played pool while waiting for the third guy to arrive...and then went arcade for a short while...then went for the movie...tickets cost 20 bucks each...I'm so broke..sigh....the movie was okay...nothing exceptional...Terminator 3....honestly...didn't really like it....and I'm so sick of driving...coz had to fetch my frens home after the movie..one in bangsar..relatively near to MV...the other in Puchong...wow....and after that had to drive out for dinner as well....coz parents aren't home...so fetched sis and her friend for dinner at some near place...and I think I did my first reverse parking...under the supervision of two experienced drivers...so you can imagine how it was...haha...my sis was the noisy 1...anyway....without parents at home isn't all that fun....I know people think that it should be cool....but it really isn't...its only so early in the night and the house is quiet...me and sis are already in respective rooms...hehe...I kinda miss them...don't know why..lol..that's not to say that I don't enjoy being home alone..it has its pros....like being able to drive out to hang out with friends freely..I guess that's the only major pro...hehe


Anyway...I have decided to call my laptop Emeriss....hehe..random I know...but who cares...haha

Signing off-Gone

Operation Revamp

okay...my laptop is basically boring now....haha...bet you're wondering "waaa...bored of it only after a day??!!" not really actually....its just coz my laptop is well......media-less and entertainment-less...so it gets kinda boring...especially since I'm the type that can't live without music or some nice cute pictures of adorable animals...lol...sounds.....wrong.....anyway...so I've gotta transfer all my media from the desktop to this machine here...and some of the games as well...boys will be boys....hehe....and I don't know where to begin....coz I've got sooo many songs and stuff that I'd like to transfer...and my pendrive is MIA-ing again...sometimes I think it's conspiring against me...haha...nah..I was just careless...as usual....

Anyway, today in CF I finally got to meet a lecturer who I've heard so much of but never ever had the chance to meet....Dr. Goh...no it's not me or anyone related to me....hehe...at least I don't think so....but he's a great person...and what he said in CF today was really relevant to youth....about what CF is all about..and all his cool suggestions...and today they appointed the new commitee members....wooo.....those people have really done a great job....sseriously..if it wasn't for them I don't think I would have learned to like college...at least for the first few weeks...they were the ones friendly enough to make me enjoy college....hehe...great bunch of people...thank God for them...hope the new members will continue to serve in the awesome way and manner that they have always done and touch the hearts of many more students in HELP....

The Day My Laptop Came

Yay!!!!this shall be the first entry with the newest addition to my life...my laptop...hehe....somehow though...It's nt as exciting as I thought it would be...but thats not to say I'm not happy....really thankful that I got it...coz now I can do mobile assignmenting...and I also finally have Mic Word 2007...I know...even I'm surprised...haha....anyway, mid-terms next week...great....no seriously...it's great..I can't wait for it....I know..weird.....super duper happy that I got my laptop...

Thank You God for blessing me with so many priviledges...help to me treasure them and to take good care of them, whether inanimate or animate....may this be another tool for Your Glory....

M.L.A:Monkey's Liability Association

May flew past in a breeze....its already June now...how great...half of the semester is already gone...while it's good that the semester is already half done, it's also bad that the semester is already half done...I know..confusing right...haha...yeah...in other words its sorta bitter-sweet experience...coz I'm happy that it's passing by quickly and holidays are coming..but sad that the semester is only so short...coz it's really enjoyable..especially Psychology classes...wish it were a longer semester...14 weeks of Psychology...bliss....somehow 7 weeks is just....too short....happy times go by too quickly...can only hope that my next Psychology class will be as fun..maybe I'll get the same lecturer again...awesome-ness...haha....anyway.....I think I could have failed my first English quiz of my life today..thanks to three letters....to all of you wondering what MLA stands for you shall discover when you enter college and have to write papers....its the citation format which I'm really really really beginning to dislike.....the quiz was all about that format....and nothing about normal English stuff like vocabulary and grammar and even essay writing...none of that..it was format format format all the way...how wonderful...so yeah....practically failed that quiz...awaiting results to see how bad I actually did...doesn't look good tho....hoping for the best..keep my fingers crossed...who knows..maybe she might take pity on us and pass us all with flying colours...yeah right.....

Piano.....Piano....Piano

Really really really really REALLY regret I didn't learn piano when I was much much much younger...guess its a lil too late to start now...but seriously wondering how come I didn't see the appeal of it when I was younger..and regret why my parents didn't force me to learn it like they did with my sisters....But guess it's not their fault....I used to think that piano is weird...well...for a guy at least...now I think its so stereotypical...pianos aren't just for girls...its a great instrument that can be played by both guys and girls...oh well....I guess that's the price you pay for being stereotypical and lazy....but when I hear the piano....especially the piano intro for the song How I Love You in the new Beautiful Saviour album I just bought...its simply awesome....how I wish i could sit there and just play my heart out....for all of you guys and girls who can play the piano...keep it up...its a gift that some people will never have...its a great instrument and a great priviledge to play it....no matter how hard the lessons are....it's all worth it in the end...when you can play really well...it's really worth the time and effort spent....so don't ever give up on the piano k...I guess I'm stuck with the next best thing..my guitar...it's a good instrument as well...and I plan to keep learning and trying...but I still feel sorry that I didn't learn the piano at an early age...sigh...guitars just can't seem to match the melody of the piano...nothing can...sigh

Disappointed

Sigh...got my results for psychology quiz 6 and 7 today..didn't do as well as I hoped...was a major let down for me...coz I really wanted to keep my track record perfect...now its gone....aah...why didn't I do better...I should have done better....but guess there's no turning back now..I can't help but feel that apart from letting myself down, I let my lecturer down..and that's even worse...coz right on quiz day she expected so much from me and my team..and at the end our results weren't the best...sigh....majority of it was my fault..if only I'd thought carefully before answering few questions..and if only I listened to the opinions of one of my group members...then we wouldn't have made those few mistakes...I wouldn't have made those few mistakes..well...too late to turn back now...can't remember ever feeling this disappointed over academics...its even worse than my physics trial last year...I guess its coz I really set myself a high standard for psychology...and I was so happy that I managed to keep that standard...well..until today at least....still...should be thankful for my results..might not be what I wanted..but it was still a good result..will just have to keep telling myself that until I accept it...sooner or later....but seriously...everytime I remember the results of those 2 quizzes I feel disappointed with myself...and my lecturer's words keep ringing in my head..that she expects that quiz of mine to be the sample paper for the class...but it wasn't at the end...wonder if she was surprised as to my results...although my team members are overjoyed at the results....


Well, at least the cds I ordered finally came today..that brightened up my day somewhat....seriously..Planetshakers Acoustic album Beautiful Saviour is nice..somewhat quieter...old songs..but in a nicer more soothing way of playing....

God...help me to be thankful for my results...not to be too disappointed with myself..and to try harder next time....

Emo-ism:A point of view

Every teenager with unstable hormones is doing it...commonly known as emo-ing...its almost a ritual,a rite of tradition that is performed by teens from the age of 13(earliest) and 20(late teens)...anyone still frequently emo-ing after the age of 21....note the word FREQUENTLY...is a lil messed up in the head..but for us teens..its more or less a right..but have we ever wondered why we like to do it? is there a purpose for it?does it make our life more interesting?

People emo for different reasons....relationships being among the top reasons....some emo because of relationships that could have been, some emo coz of relationships that were...some emo becoz of relationships that they are trying to make happen...

And yet some emo coz of problems...with studies,family,personal life, you name it they have it...

And the stranger still..emo becoz they just like to be emo-fied...these people are....emotional to say the least....

However, it is undeniable that we as teenagers all go through this stage of emo-ness....we wouldn't be teens if we don't have any emo phases...majority of it is because we are unconsciously trying to find a way that we fit into society..to find our true path of life and the place in the huge puzzle that we belong..so to speak...and in doing that we most often make mistakes,be it in decisions or relationships...thus..the emo-ness....another major part is hormones...but that is just too much biological jargon that I shall not speak much of it...

So, question is...do we as teenagers enjoy being emotional? I personally think the honest answer to that question is YES....we enjoy being emotional..to just sit down in a quiet corner and listen to songs that relate to our feelings....which are.....emo songs....I guess its one of the most common ways we use to pass time...somehow when you're emo-ing..time seems to fly..well..for some at least...some others can be emo for like...ever....they just don't seem to want to snap out of it..either that or they are so lost in emotional irrationality that they are trapped there...and will most probably need a slight knock with a sledgehammer to get them back to their senses....

But I guess that's why teenagers also have a load of friends..friends who can emo with you...who can understand why you emo...and even some who will wake you up when they have felt that you have been emo-ing way too much...although the last particular breed of friends are dying out...most of them actually join you in your emo-fying...(ever notice how some people start crying just because they see their friends cry?you get my point)..so you both form a depressed party...oh joy...a straightforward case of the blind leading the blind? probably so...

However,it is also acceptable to be emotional..even the most rational teen cannot control his/her emotions...and at one point or other, those blooming emotions brought on by something called puberty is bound to affect life in one way or other...so teenagers DO have the rights to be emo...its more like a way of nature....

"I cannot control my emotions" is the reply most teens give when questioned about why they are so emo over petty matters like:
1.No girlfriend/boyfriend all my life
2.I like that girl/guy, but he/she don't like me
3.I got problems with myself/family/friends
4.My boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't care about me(this assumption is usually drawn just becoz the bf/gf missed ONE date or was too tired to return a call or sms)

True, it is hard to control your emotions...after all...we are born human..and are equal parts emotional as rational...although for some people..its about 70/30 in favour of emotions....however, we often miss out on one important point, that while we cannot control our emotions, neither should we let our emotions CONTROL US....we are young adults, and we want society to acknowledge us and treat us as such...but before they can discard their view of us as children, we must first show them that we are no longer childish...we cannot expect society to treat us with the respect adults require..if we ourselves are acting like spoilt brats, whining and crying over small issues, and basically living life in a permanent emo-state...with our eyes fixed on the ground below us that we miss out on all the good things in life...Our emotions are a large part of us, but it is not EVERYTHING about us...we are still governed and ruled by our principles, rational thoughts, and decisions..and as adults we are expected to make those decisions with careful thinking...and that requires rationality..something we cannot have when we are emo-fying ourselves away...

So, while it is normal to be emotional for teens...we must also set boundaries, to know when is the right time, and when is the time when being emo won't help a single bit, and that the time for feeling like a sad,sorry soul is long past....when we carry on being emotional about the past, we forget to enjoy our present, and we will lose sight of our future, a future that is brimming with better opportunities and brighter chances....wake up if you want people to stop treating you like kids...and don't expect anybody to treat you like an adult if you feel that you are alright to be emo all the time...

That being said however,it is alright to spend some time being emotional...after all...emo doesn't necessarily mean bad..you can be totally in love,swept of your feet..and its also called emo...or you can be ecstatic...happy for any reason, and it is also referred to as being emo...or, (the most common one), you can be in the mood for love...and it is also referred to as emo....mind you..you are not in love..you are just in the mood for it...how you ask? well..if you are listening to love songs for no apparent reason, enjoying the words...and singing along as loudly as you can..without giving a hoot as to how out of tune your singing can be...then my friend, you are in the mood for love...it is pleasurable...but never ever let it get in the way of doing what you have to do...other stuff are more important in life than being emotional...so emo-fy yourselves silly,in a healthy way such as this..but only when you have some free time eh? ;)

So I guess that being emo is a teen thing..but there are 2 types of emo..make sure you get invovled in the right type..the healthy type..and don't go walking around thinking the whole world owes you something..coz it definitely doesn't...get over yourself if you are feeling negatively emo...it does you no good...and this world doesn't revolve around you...you are just a part of it..but whether or not you are a good part,an important and contributing part or a part which others would be happy to be rid off..is all up to you....

In truth, I have been emo these few days...hehe...in the love mood..I know...weird huh...haha..rest assured...for my friends who are girls and are reading this post..I'm not about to ask you out for a date or to ask you to be my life partner..haha...but its been fun... :)
I shall share some of the emo love/non-love songs I've been listening to:

1.Could It Be-Christy Carlson Romano(awesome girl)
2.Why Don't You Kiss Her?-Jesse McCartney(awesome guy)
3.Because You Live-Jesse McCartney
4.Love Will Find A Way-Disney-The Lion King II(awesome song/movie)
5.My Funny Friend And Me-Sting-Emperor's New Groove(awesome song/movie)
6.On My Way-Brother Bear-Phil Collins(awesome singer/song)
7.Look Through My Eyes-Phil Collins(you should really listen to this)
8.You'll Be In My Heart-Phil Collins(this too)
9.At The Beginning-Anastasia(Disney)-Richard Marx and Donna Lewis(awesome duet)
10.True To Your Heart-Mulan-98Degrees and Stevie Wonder

These 10 songs have been my companions these 2 days..haha....great songs...I know they're not famous..and not the most popular songs or singers....but hey..who cares?they're good..and that's all that matters :)

Take Care people, Don't be too emo!!!
God bless you all

Take A Look Through My Eyes

Lyrics | Phil Collins - Look Through My Eyes lyrics

Awesome song by Phil Collins..enjoy :)

Malfunctioning Biological Clock

woke up at 1.30pm today...felt as tho half my day was wasted..and I actually thought..."I shall just go to sleep now instead of staying up....so I can wake up early the next morning..." wake up early indeed.....I don't know the exact time that i slept last night..but was earlier than normal nights...and I woke up so freaking late...my biological clock is seriously messed up....or something psychologists would refer to as the Circadian Rhythm....haha...yes yes...again with the Psychology.... guess my body needed the rest to recuperate after a hectic first week of college....I'm more or less a bag of scratches nd bruises and muscle and joint aches..haha...i sound old...or like I just came back from war or something...I guess after all the sleeping late and waking early for college..my body finally decided to catch up with all the sleep it missed out....and woke me up ever-so-late today...I think...I shall go out...somewhere...anywhere....but I got nobody to accompany me...haha...all living so far far far away....I shall just go laze around and rest somemore then....

-Gone-

Amazing Grace

Amazing Grace,how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me,
I once was lost,but now am found,
Was blind but now I see,

'Twas Grace that taught my heart to fear,
And Grace,my fears relieved,
How precious did that Grace appear,
The hour I first believed,

My Chains are gone,
I've been set free,
My God my Saviour,
Has ransomed me,

And like a flood,
His mercy reigns,
Unending Love,
Amazing Grace,


The Lord has promised good to me,
His word my hope secures,
He will my Shield and Portion be,
As long as life endures.

The Earth shall soon dissolve like snow,
The Sun forbear to shine,
But God who called me here below,
Will be forever mine.

Sigh....God...I'm sorry for all the things I've done wrong..help me to remember this song...and to mean it with all my heart..help me to remember that You gave Your life for me, to save me from my own sins and actions, and that nothing is worth losing the freedom that You have bought for me at such a great price...forgive me for taking Your Everlasting Mercies for granted, and for forgetting that You are also a God of wrath, a God who will discipline His children if they go the wrong way....Forgive me Father,for the things that I have done, and for my lapses and mistakes in judgement...May Your Amazing Grace be my salvation....Amen

Psychologically Addicted

I LOVE MY GENERAL PSYCHOLOGY CLASS!!!!lol...I know...it sounds weird...a person actually loving class??!!yeah..that's what happens when u attend General Psychology classes..it does things to you....lol....no la...just kidding..but seriously...I absolutely love that class..its THE MOST FUN class I've had since high school ended...lol..I guess its coz I personally have a really strong interest in Psychology...coupled to that is an AWESOME lecturer...Miss Winnie Cheong is her name...and she is absolutely hilarious...haha...don't get me wrong..she's not all laugh and no teach...she can really teach you a thing or two about psychology..but she's really good at not making the class serious and boring..but she's strict as well...which is why I seriously admire her..she can be super funny and yet at the same time demand a certain amount of respect from you..at the beginning of the semester I was kinda worried that I would be disappointed...coz I never learned anything bout Psychology other than whatever I found out in magazines and articles..but never a proper lesson on psychology..so even though I had an interest in it I was afraid I might get bored if the lectures were boring and I would lose interest in Psychology altogether....from the first lecture I had with her I knew I'd never get bored...haha...she makes lessons so funny and interesting...exciting as well..all those Pop Quizzes given without a single word of warning...hehe...that is just sooo much fun...(I sound like a psychopath now...actually ENJOYING pop quizzes)...haha..anyway...this has only boosted my interest in Psychology..and I really hope I'll get her again for my other Psychology classes in the future semesters...or some other awesome lecturer...haha...she teaches really fast tho...and talks faster than me...well..almost faster than me...give or take a few words...hehe....

Really thank God for an awesome lecturer that makes lessons so interesting..even my English lecturer is awesome..though honestly I prefer my Psychology 1 more...haha...but thankful for both of them...they made the perfect start to a semester...and their subjects are the only two for this semester..so I'm enjoying each and every class I have...weeee..... :)

General Psychology Rocks!!!!

Vague and Confusing

I dont know what to name this post....I feel so heavy right now...somehow recently, I just dont know how to react when faced with certain situations...and I just stumble past them awkwardly...but Im kinda tired of that...I just want to be carefree...enjoying the moment...but it seems...difficult..I dont really know whats happening..but the awkwardness of the situation is wearing me out...its just a little hard to relax...somehow I dont seem to be able to enjoy and just be happy...its so hard...and I dont really know why either...I myself am not exactly sure what Im actually feeling..whether sad or just frustrated and tired...I guess its a portion of all three...Its funny..coz the more I seem to try the harder it seems to get..its like...unnatural...the awkwardness...its shouldnt be there....and its not natural..but yet its there...and Im not sure what's causing it...I only know that its there...and there seems to be nothing that I can do to remove it...sigh...sound so emo now...This blog is really vague...maybe its because I myself am vague about the situation...and confused...I think i shall name this entry after these two characteristics....

God, I dont know how to deal with this feeling....Its as tho I'm hitting into a wall everytime I try...I guess even if I cannot explain what Im feeling, You already know...I'm tired of stumbling past situations awkwardly...and yet I dont know how else to do it...help me.....Restore it to its proper place.and preserve it for all time...this is all I ask...

Awesome-ness

hmm...since I have a lil free time on my hands...I shall make a list of all the awesome worship songs I've heard so far...may leave out a few..cant possibly remember all..but I shall name all of them that I can remember and look up for now...they're great songs...and have been a great enouragement to me..so I like them...if you dont, then well....hehe...you get the point...these songs are not in order...its just a list.by the way..feel free to tell me what other songs you find nice...and I shall see if i know them..and shall add them onto the list..hehe....so...lets see now... :

1.In The Highest-Planetshakers-Free
2.Saving Grace-Planetshakers-Free
3.I Need You-Planetshakers-Free
4.Amazing Grace-Chris Tomlin-See The Morning
5.How Can I Keep From Singing-Chris Tomlin-See The Morning
6.In Christ Alone-Brian Littrell
7.Glory In The Highest-Chris Tomlin-See The Morning
8.All Of My Days-Planetshakers-Rain Down
9.Fall In This Place-Planetshakers-Pick It Up
10.Beautiful Saviour-Planetshakers-Pick It Up
11.All That I Want-Planetshakers-All That I Want
12.All Im Living For-Planetshakers-Always And Forever
13.Set Me Free-Planetshakers-Arise
14.How I Love You-Planetshakers-My King
15.Worship You Alone-Planetshakers-Pick It Up
16.Take Me-Planetshakers-Saviour Of The World
17.Desert Song-Hillsong United-This Is Our God
18.This Is Our God-Hillsong United-This Is Our God
19.Made Me Glad-Hillsong-Ultimate Worship
20.Who Am I-Casting Crowns
21.Everlasting God-Chris Tomlin-See The Morning
22.Deeper-Hillsong United-Look To You
23.Awesome God-Hillsong United-Look To You
24.None But Jesus-Hillsong-Mighty To Save
25.Hosanna-Hillsong United-All Of The Above
26.Everything That Has Breath-Parachute Band-All The Earth
27.All The Earth-Parachute Band-All The Earth
28.Worship Forevermore-Planetshakers-Phenomena
29.Run Into Your Arms-Plantethakers-Phenomena
30.Could I Ever-Planetshakers-Rain Down
31.Amazing Grace-Planetshakers-Reflector
32.Weight Of The World-Planetshakers-Always And Forever
33.Evermore-Planetshakers-Evermore
34.So In Love With You-Planetshakers-Never Stop
35.You Are Holy-Planetshakers-Open Up The Gates
36.Praise You-Planetshakers-Saviour Of The World
37.Here I Am To Worship-Hillsong-Ultimate Worship
38.All The Heavens-Hillsong-Ultimate Worship
39.Worthy Is The Lamb-Hillsong-Ultimate Worship
40.Shout To The Lord-Hillsong-Ultimate Worship
41.My God-Hillsong United-To The Ends Of The Earth
42.To The Ends Of The Earth-Hillsong United-To The Ends Of The Earth
43.On My Cross-Far From Home
44.Testify To Love-Avalon-The Very Best Of Avalon
45.Joy To The World(Newer Version)-Unknown Band-ask me for the version
46.Awesome Is The Lord Most High-Chris Tomlin-See The Morning
47.In The Light-Dc Talk-Jesus Freak
48.Stronger-Hillsong United-This Is Our God
49.Lift Up Your Eyes-Planetshakers-Reflector
50.Secret Place-Planetshakers-Pick It Up

All Day Party

hehe..just re-started my semester yesterday..went to ADP from Foundation in HMC....I have to say my 1st day of ADP is INFINITELY better than my 1st day in HMC....lol...made some friends...got 2 really really funny and really really strict lecturers...seriously...could tell from the 1st class that they were gonna be awesome lecturers d...especially the General Psychology 1...lol...she made soo many sarcastic comments in the first class alone...and God has been amazingly faithful...He answered all my prayers....even the little little ones that I didn't think much of....for example..on my 1st day..I went for lunch...ordered my food and realised that my class starts in 1/2 an hour's time...really worried that I'll be late for my class...and I didnt wanna be late for the first day of classes...so I seriously considered going to the counter and cancelling my order...but I didnt dare..coz I could imagine the cashier's cold stare at me...haha....so I prayed that my food would come quickly...and I stopped looking in the direction of the kitchen and concentrated on my handphone games instead...barely 5 minutes later my food came...was sooo surprised...coz the restaurant was packed....really packed..and the last time I was there...the restaurant was barely even half full and my food took ages to come...was super surprised and happy...another example was today..had to take a cabby from the LRT station home coz I had no transport home...the sky looked dark and I was hoping I could get home before it started raining..so I prayed again...and not long after I got into the house it started pouring....haha...really thank God....for being so faithful even in such small matters....oh oh...and I met a few new friends...awesome people..I thought that these ADP guys were a quiet bunch...today we all laughed like crazy in En101 class....and a few other girls as well that I got to talk to....haha...super awesome experience..and its only the second day....for those of you who dont know what ADP stands for..it stands for All Day Party...lol....and Im really having fun there...haha...

Thank You God for giving me a really really good start to a new semester and course...and for being ever so faithful even in answering these small prayers of mine....Thank You

oh yea...and Congratulations Lynette for passing your driving test!!!hehe....got car d must drive me around k? :)

Glory,Glory Man United!!!

haha....yeah...Manchester united clinched their 18th Premier League title yesterday...equaling Liverpool's record at last....weee!!!!hehe...so happy now....just hope they will also win the UEFA Champions League against Barcelona later on...have faith....was great to finally see them win after working so hard the entire season..they played really well and deserved to win...to all Liverpool fans, dream on...your 19th title will never come anytime soon...to all Chelsea fans, sorry mates...but thats the way REAL football is played..where the TRUE CHAMPIONS win.....to all Arsenal fans...I guess your "arsenal" is short of ammo...maybe in the next 10 years or so eh?dont give up...hehehehehehe....


GLORY GLORY MAN UNITED!!!!!

The Child

There was once a child...a toddling little baby..one day the child achieved a new phase of his life..he learned to walk...he was overjoyed...and his friends and family shared in his happiness...he enjoyed his new skill and honed it everyday...enjoying himself immensely...until he falls down and hurts himself...his parents stare at him...encouraging him to get up and try again..although shaken, he finds the strength in depth to pick himself off the ground and resume walking...he takes a first step, he takes the second...and just when he begins to regain his confidence...while he is still on wobbly legs, someone comes and pushes him from behind...the child falls to the floor once again, only this time, he is hurt much worse...his confidence takes another rude shake...he fears the worst is yet to come...his parents continue to encourage him, to tell him its okay to fall down...however, he cannot find it in himself to restore his confidence..he sits on the floor...afraid to get up, content to go back to crawling....none can blame him, for while he was still on wobbly feet, barely able to put the first fall behind him, he falls again, and the consequences are much harsher...what is the child to do?ever since his birth he has been told that true champions fall, but they pick themselves up and push on, despite the odds and circumstances...does he have it in him to be a true champion?

Driving me up the wall....

Guess what? I had ANOTHER accident today....might as well hang a sign round my neck saying Please Knock Me...a taxi crashed into the back of my car...lucky for me...my car was only dented...a lil bit...but that guy's taxi didn't fare so well....his car bonnet didn't really resemble a bonnet anymore....really thank God nothing serious happened to my car or anyone....I seriously have no idea how come my car got away with it with such minor damage..seriously...divine intervention..coz when u see his car..its like...totally damaged in the front...sigh...took another shaking....and I'm really freaking now...don't wanna drive anymore..its loads of fun..but I seem to be a magnet for accidents....sigh....I could have gotten away with it if I lodged a police report..after all..according to road laws he was in the wrong for knocking into me..but I guess in an accident both parties are wrong..so we settled for Rm250 to him...and I am so sorry to my parents yet again..wonder how they must be feeling...surely very dissapointed...sigh..I just cant seem to do anything right nowadays can I?everything that could go bad has gone bad..and I feel so lost and homeless now...even though I am living in a house....sigh...been praying...kinda like...bounces of the ceiling and back to me...nothings happening...I dont know what to do...sigh....

Take me to that place Lord,
Where there's nothing else but me and You,
Longing for Your presence,
I know that You're calling me to You.

Indeed...take me to that place Lord....take me somewhere...anywhere...I feel so lost and confused...Jesus won't You guide my way...

Empty Pockets

Aahhh...the book I've been waiting for is finally in Malaysia....as usual..Kinokuniya has it..they're always the earliest book store...I cant get it....at least not yet.....No its not the transport there and its not that I dont know where Kinokuniya is...its the cost of the book..as usual as well..Kinokuniya puts rocket prices on their books...its Rm101.90....NOOOOOOO........and I've been waiting for it since last year....well..needless to say..my wallet and pockets are empty ever since the last debacle with the car....sigh...guess I'm just gonna have to wait til some other bookstore has it with a more....economical price....just in case you're wondering..the book is entitled Arthas:Rise of the Lich King...its a fantasy type read..hehe...my type la...supposed to be THE book...coz its about an infamous character in the series...and everyone was waiting for it for ages....now that its out..I still cant get to read it...2 choices....

1.
I wait til MPH or some other book store has it...(which will take ages) and then buy it for a lower price.

2.
I break into kinokuniya at night,steal a copy of the book, and set the bookstore on fire to cover my tracks...

Seeing the current situation..I might very well go for choice number 2...haha..yeah..I'm, that desperate for it....I need something new to read..all my older books are well....old.....I practically read it so many times that when I open to a page I already know what I'm gonna read...all I need to do is read a line from the page and I know the EXACT words coming next..yes...I've read it THAT many times.....haha...well..there is a third option...Could some kind soul opt to buy it for me? I shall be ever so grateful.. ;)

P.S: that's a hint for "Please please please please buy it for me!!!!!!"

Another P.S: just kidding :)

Disney

Recently been watching disney channel movies on youtube..those really really old ones like Mulan and such...and it brought back so many memories...haha..all happy and funny ones...all those funny lines in the show...but apart from that..I realised that these old movies had really nice meaningful songs, and also taught the kids watching it a lesson..unlike those movies produced now that has everything to do with fighting and stuff..and is not at all educational...haha..so these are a few of the songs and lines I got from these old movies..quite sensible and really teaches us something...will be updating this as I watch more and more of these old movies..hehe


1.Mulan-Reflection
A really good song from one of those old movies, that shows a person accepting his/her ture character and not conformign to the image of what others like her family and society thinks she/he has to be.

2.Dinosaur
Some things start out big, and some things start out small.Very small.But sometimes the smallest thing can make the biggest changes of all.

None of us really know what changes, big or small, lie ahead. One thing is certain, our journey is not over. We can only hope that in some small way, our time here will be remembered

Money Talks...It says Good-bye

The repair estimate for the car is around Rm500...sigh...there goes even more money...The amount of money leaving me this month has been...astronomical when I calculate it...some of it for reasons I'll never regret..some.....just due to plain careless-ness....sigh...and its all coming at one of the worst possible time...when I'm saving up for a laptop...I almost had enough....ALMOST...but I guess ALMOST never got anyone anywhere...sigh...car repair bill totally set me back a few months at least...and who's to say that I won't have to spend anymore money in the next few months...some of my friends were grumbling that I didn't give them a birthday present when I gave my other friends theirs...sorry guys...didn't mean it....feel a lil guilty about that...

Went for Mother's Day dinner today...at The Ship..its like the usual family dinner location..but haven't been there in a while...had a nice meal...and while we were in the car waiting for a woman to walk past the road so we could get out of the parking lot, something happened...the woman refused to move..she was a little nervous to pass the road..coz she was holding a younger girl nect to her and a baby in her other arm...my mum told me to get down the car and help her cross..I didn't want o in truth...I was busy thinking of how I'm gonna afford paying for the car..as well as other expenses...but I did it anyway..Went down and asked the lady if she needed help...and told her to follow me..led her across the road and she said she could cross the other part herself....when I went back to the car I felt happy...I guess sometimes doing a good deed to others is also a form of making your own day a little brighter....and I showed some Malaysian hospitality to a foreigner..haha....Malaysia Boleh...indeed....

God, I need some help...As You fed the five thousand with only 5 loaves and 2 fish, I know You can do something for me, whether by financial aid or something else just to make my life a lil brighter...Thank You....

Sigh-ing yet again

I had my first minor accident today...actually..I had TWO of minor accidents today...although the first one wasn't entirely my fault...I was driving past the car when it reversed out and knocked into me...although I guess I should have let the person pass through first...it wouldn't have cost me anything..and my car wouldn't have been scratched...the second one was totally my fault...I went too close to the Wira and scratched its side while parking...I couldn't estimate the distance as it was night..but I guess I was also very careless....when I felt it scratch my blood ran cold...after parking I got out of the car and surveyed the damage...my car was more severely damaged but his wasn't in too good condition either...the paint had come off and a side of the bumper as well...was naturally worried...so I went into the mall with my friends...and I was praying and asking for forgiveness...coz I didn't know what to do..the owner of the car wasn't there...My friends told me it was alright...but the guilt just wouldn't go away...it just didn't...so in the end I went back down to my car..and my friends accompanied me..I stuffed an Rm50 note into the top of the person's door...I really really hope it at least covers some of the damage..and that the person won't be too upset...my friends were curious as to why I was so concerned and felt so guilty...I don't have a direct answer for them...but I knew that if I didn't do something..I wouldn't be able to sleep peacefully tonight...and I would always feel guilty when I recall the incident...I still feel guilty now...sigh...and worried....worried that my next accident might not be too far away...this time it was a vehicle..what if its a life next time...I guess I just need more experience and I have to be more careful on the road...I guess I was right to make my vow never to fetch anyone around til I was more experienced...but I guess that I was overcome by arrogance when I started driving..I considered going back on my vow..after all..I could drive pretty well...not today....today, my driving was horrendous...to say the least....really had a real shaking to the core today..even though it was only two minor incidents....but minor ones if not handled properly can develop into bigger ones....I guess I was right to make my vow after all...and I don't think I'll ever consider going back on it again...I have to pay for the repairs for my own car as well...I owe that much to my parents...I will not let them pay for my careless-ness...and I'm sure they won't either...got another raking over hot coals for that....and those coals won't cool down until a few days later...and even then...maybe I won't be allowed to drive...for a period of time at least...anyway..I have myself to blame....I should have been more careful...sigh...the repair bill for the car will be pricy...more money lost due to my own careless-ness...today was a bad start...had a minor accident..and I ended the day with another minor accident...what a day...been very disappointing for me....wallet's gone empty once again....

God, I'm sorry for being so careless...particularly with a responsibility as large as a car...forgive me for hurting people,help me to be more careful next time when I'm on the road, and to take things seriously...I'm sorry God...I'm really sorry....

One bright spot about today is that its Miss Ellen's birthday...I hope she's had a fine day....Happy Birthday Miss Ellen...

Woooo.....Friggin Tired legs....

I went to 1Utama again today..that's the 2nd time in less than a week..which is rare for me..since the last time i went to 1U was like...a few years back..haha..I finally know my way around that mall....not as lost as I was the first time round...so...went there to get a prezzie for my friend/teacher Miss Ellen....haha..its her berfday tomorrow!!! Its sooooo exciting...... :) heh..so, anyways...went there with 2 friends..Manda and Lynn....was super awesome of them to accompany me in the present hunt....went there at around 10..and walked around aimlessly with Lynn til Manda arrived VERY MUCH LATER....=P went she arrived we went to Carl's Jr for lunch...yum....I seriously CANNOT handle a Carl's Jr burger neatly...it resembled nothing less than an explosion in my hands...haha..was soooo messy...so after that we decided to catch a movie...bought tickets for the show He's Just Not That Into You....I was thinking...girl-ish movie...haha...it turned out be better than expected....since it wasn't time for the movie to start we went walking around the mall...the girls once again shopping and trying on random stuff...while I just tagged along...haha...pretty soon even I got influenced...and was looking at girl's clothes...I KNOW....WEIRD.....haha...the movie was awesome..LOL....I KNOW...ITS WEIRD ALSO.....but seriously..it was nice....I was expecting some girly romance story..turned out to be funny and somewhat educational...haha....I guess we guys are just so used to being stereotypes..especially with movies and novels with a girl-ish name...after the movie we went for a choc brownie...that we didn't get to try the last time we were there...waa...was delicious wei...just that the chocolate was a bit too much..if u ate it urself sure feel jelak...not to mention sore throat....managed to buy a present for my friend....haha..and a card...on which both Manda and Lynn wrote funny/mean comments...hehehehehehehe...I plan to write one too...later....after a whole day walking around a mall...finally decided to head for home....took a cabby to LRT station..and Lynn and Manda's parents picked them up from there...wow...on the second leg of my journey home..the train was full..so had to stand up thru the entire journey..not that it would have mattered much..but was seriously tired by that time..i slept at 5+ watching Chelsea and Barcelona....and woke at 7.30 or close to there....so super tired and sleepy....finally home now...and blogging...and my legs are fweaking tired.....feel like they gonna drop off soon...coz of the train journey I guess....still..good excercise tho....today was eventful...fun,tiring,funny...and I got to spend time with two of my friends...haha..that really made my day...otherwise sure feel bored at home..thank you God....for giving us the chance to just hang out and have fun...and for bringing us all home safely....

Nooooooo.....Barcelona beat Chelsea at the semi-finals of the UEFA Champions League!!!!Now Manchester United have to face them instead!!!!!!Please please please please.....win the UEFA....go MAN UTD!!!!!!!

C.A.F.F.E.I.N.E

Crazy
Astronomically
Fulfilling
Fantastic
Energy
Inducing
Neurological
Essence

Yes people!!!!Caffeine is one of THE greatest natural gifts of God to mankind!!!!!haha...on this special entry, I shall endeavour to sing praises of the world's best drug!!!.and what better way to enjoy the AWESOME-NESS of CAFFEINE than in an AWESOME CUP OF COFFEE!!!preferably starbucks :) or tea...whichever way you have it..haha...this entry is sooo random...but seriously people..how can you NOT love caffeine..its like the greatest discovery since the wheel or something....as you can see....caffeine is actually a short form for its true meaning...so enjoy people....embrace caffeine....

P.S: this is sooo ironic..as im totally immune to the effects of caffeine....hehehehehe

Dear God....

God,Thank you for Your mercy,
For always forgiving me,
Removing my sins and iniquity,
To make me the best that I can be,

Lead me Lord in Your Holy ways,
To shine Your glory for all my days,
Help me Lord to go Your way,
Help me not to go astray,

Be the Light that brightens my life,
Through troubles, trials and all kinds of strife,
Show me Jesus that You're always there,
To hear my cries, my pain to bear,

Grant me strength,
To go the extra mile,
No matter the length,
And to do it with a smile,

Grant me Love Lord, as great as the sea,
Grant me Patience and Honesty,
Grant me Compassion and Humility,
Grant me Lord, Serenity

Boar-dem

I wanna go somewhere...people..please ajak me keluar la..haha..sound so LOA....I wanna go out la!!!!!!!!!!staying at home for 2 weeks is NOT fun okay...and I got 2 weeks to go!!!!goodness.....seriously..gonna like...rot by the time my holidays are over....please...some1 be kind and ajak me keluar..anywhere and everywhere...I drive...hehe......please bring along ur safety helmet and padded clothing...and make sure you're insured...I can't afford to repay your parents...hehehehehehehe....CALL ME OUT!!!!especially people I haven't seen in like AGES.....yes JASMINE....i'm hinting bout you....=P

A Tribute to Friends

Your love,covers my sin,
and washes over me,
Your Grace, it draws me in,
So I can live for You,

Jesus You died for me,
So I will live, for You, My God,

And I will lay down my life,
For the cause, of the Cross,
And I won't try to ignore,
That Your heart's cry is the lost

And I will go if You say go,
I will never give it up,
I will lay down my life,
Because You laid down Your life,
To set me free

Your love washes over,
Over,
Over and Over

This morning was one of the lowest moments of my life, when i confronted myself, and all the hurts and pain deep within me finally surfaced, kept hidden for so long but finally laid out bare.Realising that for all the smiles and laughter, deep down inside is actually a person crying out for rest, crying out for comfort. I never thought to share it with anyone, it was a secret I thought nobody would ever know..except for me and God. My fears, my hatred towards myself, I cannot begin to explain what it actually means to me. Really broke down and cried, when I relived all my past memories, all the words said, all the things done. Finally realised that I had never let it go, that I was holding it all in, covering it up with my own thoughts. I realise now how wrong I was, whether in my efforts to help people or to help myself, and that I had the wrong perception of things all along. My friends were partially correct in that I was wrong in the way I tried to help them, not realising that they never asked for it. And I finally confronted the fact that I was also in denial, living on the fact that I should continue to help regardless of what they thought, because they needed help. They needed help, but not from me, it was from God, it has always been from God, and I was arrogant and wrong to ever think that I could be that source of help for them. Realised how incapable I thought I was, and how incapable I really am, but none of it matters, at least not anymore.Incapable I may be, but my God is. I just have to really learn how to avail myself to Him. I really want to help my friends around me, but I cannot, because I don't know how. Only God knows, and only He can use me to help if He so chooses. So I pray and hope that God will teach me humility, to use my passion for friends in a way that will reflect His glory, and that I will learn that to truly care for my friends is not to impose on them the way I think is right, but to love and support them through prayer, and to just be there for them. I was wrong to base on my own strength, to want to be the one that my friends could lean on, when all along I myself had no strength to stand up straight, and had no one to lean on, because nobody understood how I feel at that time. Now I know, I know that I was never alone, I always knew God was there, but I never truly believed it. I do now, and I know that I can always draw on His strength, and the strength of those around me, those who truly care for me, who truly accepted me, even when I never truly accepted myself.

For as long as I shall live,
I will testify to love,
I'll be the witness in the silences when words are not enough,
With every breath I take,
I will give thanks to God above,
For as long as I shall live,
I will testify

I really thank God for two of my friends last night, who were people I never thought I would be so honest with. They were the ones that made me realise that while I was wrong in the way that i chose to help at times, I was also wrong in the assumption that nobody cared. There's nothing more I can say to describe what they did for me than to say that they were there for me when I most needed someone to talk to. And I cannot thank them enough for it. What I have done to deserve such friends, I cannot begin to understand. Perhaps it was for such a time as this, that they were there at the right place and the right time, to show me God's love. I owe them so much, I do not think I will ever be able to repay. I can only pray that God will continue to bless our friendship, one that I know I will treasure for the rest of my life. Amanda and Lynette, thank you. To all my other friends, I am sorry if I ever caused you problems when I tried to help, believe that it was for the best intentions, though I did it spectacularly badly. And I also pray for our friendship, that God will continue to give me the priviledge to be called your friend. I am sorry if this post sounds as if I'm only thankful for Manda and Lynn, but trust that it is not. Its just that they were at the right place at the right time, but I really want you all to know that I love you all very much, and will always try to be there for you, no matter what the cost. Im sorry if I ever did it the wrong way, and I promise to change, if I am given the chance.I may never be the best, but I will try to be the friend that Jesus is to me, never judging, never criticizing, and always caring. I pray that in this cause, I will be capable. Thank you God for giving me such friends, and thank you my friends, without whom my life would never be what it is today.

P.S Amanda and Lynette..sorry if i made u guys feel awkward..may have said too much to both of u..please don't feel awkward k? so sry >.<