Felt so heavy when I returned from college today....sat in the car for a while and didn't go into the house..then decided to just take a drive around the housing area...after a while I finally entered the house...bathed...and went off tto the playground outside my house which I haven't been to for ages...thought I'd just walk while listening to some songs from my phone....and wondered if being alone for a while would give me time to think about what I should do...whether or not I should change departments in college...AGAIN...While I was swinging I was really hoping God would speak to me and give me some advice...not that I didn't have any...I've had loads...from lecturers and friends and family members....but I just didn't know what to do...while I sat there swinging I remembered the times when I was only a small fry....and my sister or parents had to swing me...and how high I swung depended on how hard they pushed...and I realised that now...how high I swung depended on how much effort I put into swinging..and its kinda like life...when you reach a stage...whether you go high or low depends on yourself...there's nobody behind to push you anymore....its all up to you....and then I took some time to look around...and I also realised how I often neglected how beautiful even the most common sights of nature are....like the grass and the trees...imagine if the trees had pink trunks...or the grass was gray...that would be just so...not harmonious....but nature has a way of blending colours in perfectly...and suddenly something inside me just said...what looks ugly outside can be really beautiful..if you take the time to look at it...it might look common or simple..but each and everything fits in together...in the right place...I wasn't really sure what all this meant...I still don't...then I looked up into the sky and saw the top of the trees...and birds flying around...and I suddenly remembered the Bible verse on worrying....in Matthew 6:25-34...and I was really thankful....
On the way back I asked God what should I do...and I was still waiting for an answer....maybe He's going to give me an answer in due time...about what His advice and decision is....or maybe He already has....and I just have to look deeper into things to see it....in any case....I am a little more relieved now....I know that though I might have to make my own chances...and how high I swing depends on how hard I try...He's always there to catch me when I fall...or when I can't get myself moving....Thank you God....
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